Dear Sensitive Soul,
The wedding aftermath continues (thank you cards and wedding albums!). I'm also simultaneously in the midst of many exciting projects and not getting to my writing the way I would like to. So bear with me while I recycle another article from a previous issue. I hope to get back to writing new material ASAP. This month I'm sharing "Are You Giving Away Your Power?" -- an article that hit home for many sensitive souls last year.
One of my latest projects is being part of team helping to get Sonia Choquette's Six Sensory™ World groups going world-wide. It's an exciting venture, one I'm glad to be supporting. The gatherings are designed to help people live spirited, divinely-guided, high-vibration lives. We have a great time at our local San Francisco/Berkeley meetings.
Another big project I'm excited to announce is that my Energy Skills for Sensitive Souls TeleClass series is now available for download as MP3 and PDF files. Now you can listen, and then listen again, at your own convenience and on your own schedule.
The last bit of news: I'm on a podcast! My fantastic and highly sensitive sound engineer, Jeff Wessman, who helped me with the MP3 TeleClasses, recently interviewed me for his "Bringing Wisdom to Life" podcast. Check it out on his website here or on iTunes, here.
Are You Giving Away Your Power?
In both my coaching work and personal life, I've noticed a recurring conversation around giving away our power. Many clients and friends have found themselves in situations where they have been relinquishing their personal power and over-empowering others. Usually they end up feeling betrayed, taken advantage of, or simply pushed beyond their limits. I wrote this little primer on the subject of personal power for a client, and thought I would share it with you.
You give away your power when you ...
- Doubt yourself. Energetically other people sense this and take advantage of it.
- Try to be nice and polite, and make everyone else happy.
- Just go along so you don't make waves, cause trouble, or disrupt the "peace." Does the phrase "peace at any price" mean anything to you? Are you giving up your own personal inner peace to create the illusion of peace with others?
- Over-empower others by looking for approval and validation from them, instead of getting it from yourself. This gives other people the power to hurt you.
- Forget that you do know what you're doing, and you are good at it.
- Have poor boundaries.
- Get energetically "mixed up" with other people by not staying in your own energy. Or, you let other people take over your energetic space by leaving your body or by pulling back.
- Allow yourself to be intimidated by bluster, bragging, or emotional assaults from other people.
- Don't say what's true for you and then honor it. You can do this without being confrontational.
- Energetically and emotionally buy into other people's dramas, emergencies, and aspersions.
- Allow other people to run your life, or try to run other people's lives.
You might do these things because ...
- It's a habit, or you're engaged in unconscious patterns of behavior with another person.
- You've been raised to be a "good girl" or a "good boy" who doesn't cause trouble.
- You doubt yourself, your reactions, and your truths. Our society doesn't validate your high sensitivity, so you've learned to doubt ALL of yourself.
- You fear confrontation.
- You try to take care of people.
- You think that if the superficial level is quiet and peaceful, you will feel better. Sometimes this is true in the short term. But again, at what long-term price?
Here's what you can do instead:
- Remember to breathe! Focus your breath into your solar plexus and third chakra, which is your personal power chakra.
- Practice staying in your own energy, your own body, and your own skin.
- Learn energy skills to strengthen your energetic and interpersonal boundaries.
- See yourself as a whole, resourceful, and spiritual being, with your own best answers. When you choose to focus from the inside out in this way, you'll be less susceptible to outside influence.
- Learn to say "No" and mean it. This means being firm -- and not just with the tough people, but with everyone. Your personal power must become your habit, not a reaction, afterthought, or counterattack.
- Use your anger wisely -- anger is the energy of personal power -- and stand up for yourself.
- Stand on the courage of your convictions. Believe in yourself no matter what anyone else does or says, or how they behave.
- Ask for what you need and want. Give yourself what you need and want.
- Similarly, don't burden others with the task of validating you. Use your own yardstick to measure your successes. Look to your higher self for validation and approval.
- Own this truth: Other people have their own path and you are not responsible for them. You might even be doing them a disservice by not acknowledging this.
- Claim your rights and place in the world. You do have the right be treated respectfully by other people.
- Be detached and practice detachment by observing other people's behavior without attachment. Think to yourself: "Isn't that interesting? I wonder what that's about?" Remember that another person's behavior has almost nothing to do with you.
A final thought:
Some people think that being powerful is a negative thing. When I talk about power, I'm talking about operating in the world from a deep place of strength, trust, and alignment within yourself. Owning your power is having the courage to show up as your full and true self, without apologies, and without holding back about who you are and what you want. It doesn't mean being rude, pushy, inconsiderate, or uncompassionate. But it does mean speaking your truth, honoring your sensitivity, and believing in yourself.
Copyright January 2006, Jennifer K. Avery
For more articles like this one, see Jenna's Articles or her E-zine Archives online.
This article may be published on your website or in your e-zine as long as the copyright notice and this complete note are included: Jenna Avery, the Life Coach for Sensitive Souls, offers an original coaching program designed to guide highly sensitive souls to a deep sense of inner rightness, so they are inspired to step forward and shine. You're invited to visit her website at www.highlysensitivesouls.com to take her free online assessment, "Is Your Sensitivity Working For You?"