Jenna Avery's Art of Sensitive Living Community Forum

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I'm a recently divorced sensitive woman that was mowed over by the insensitives of the legal world.

I have to start over due to friends and family drifting away.

Does anyone have good advice to "picking myself up" and get going with a new life?

~Sunryz

[ultrasensitive]

I have gone through five divorces already. It took me a long time to get over the pain. I thought that was the worst I would have to ever endure, but it pales compared to losing a child. I lost my only child two years ago, and the pain I am experiencing from that just will not go away. I am not sure if a person ever heals from losing a child.
My advice to you is to give yourself plenty of time to heal from your own pain of the divorce. Don't try to force yourself into dating until you are absolutely sure you are ready. Don't be pressured by men or your friends to jump in the dating scene. I found it takes from two to three years to fully heal from a divorce, depending upon how much you really cared about your mate. There is a good thing, and that is that we have the power to heal inside ourselves by simply talking out our feelings with someone until we get the proper closure we need. I didn't fully get over my first husband and the pain I had gone through with him, until my last marriage. At night, my husband would let me talk out my feelings while he just listened. Every once in awhile he would say a word or two that would affirm he was listening (whether he was or not.) Over a period of time, I managed to heal from the pain I was experiencing that I had carried around for such a long time. My first husband did a real number on my psyche. He told me he never loved me during our long marriage. Some men will say this to you just to hurt you even further. They need to make you feel as badly as they can, to build their own egos. Look at their actions, not just their words. Don't waste your own energy by thinking of what could have been. If you gave your best to the relationship, that was all you could have done. (Most sensitives do give their best.) One person cannot make or break a relationship. There are always two sides to every story. But if you feel you gave it your best, then you can experience the pain and heal from it in two to three years. When you are going through this time, it will be desirable to want someone in your life who can help your pain. A good support group can help you deal with your pain and begin your new life. Let your support group be your family and friends, instead of new sexual relationships. If you don't give yourself the time YOU need to heal, you will only chalk up more sexual experiences. Carrying old baggage into new relationships never works. You can't have a new relationship that will last until you deal with your past, forgive those involved as well as yourself if you feel you made mistakes, deal with the emotional baggage, and let yourself take the time you need to heal. One day you will wake up and wonder what you ever saw in your former mate at all. That will be when you know you are healed. As hard as it is, there is nothing that will make the pain go away except time. Time does help you heal, but you have to do it in your way, not what others tell you that you should be doing. Only you know YOU, the real you. Find things that you enjoy doing alone because being sensitive means that you will need a lot of time alone to deal with the multitude of emotions you will experience. Acknowledge these emotions when you feel them. Don't bottle them up. Experience them. Forgive them if you need to. Realize that you are a worthy person who deserves better than what you had. Your worth does not depend upon anyone but you. You are a whole complete person on your own without needing a man to make you feel complete. You are perfectly capable of having a life without a man. You might even feel relief that you are no longer with this person, especially if they verbally abused you and made you their scapegoat, putting you down to build himself up, wanting to be the center of attention. You might have to start at ground zero, but you can rebuild your self-esteem that was lost in divorce. The way to work on your self-image is to list all your good traits and characteristics, and build that list often, reading it often, and remembering your talents and abilities. You were a whole person before you ever married him, and you are a whole person now without him. Don't just talk to anyone. Make sure it is someone you can trust with your feelings. If you don't have anyone, you can always pay a counselor to listen to you. It took me a year of seeing a psychiatrist to finally get the nerve to file for that first divorce. Even then I really didn't want a divorce. I had just heard that custody needs to be established so the other person can't just take off with your child. My husband wanted me to file so he would not look guilty in the eyes of his church. I tried to be more than fair to him, but all I did was hurt myself and our child. We were the ones who suffered, not him. If I had to do it over, I would have looked out for my child and me instead of my ex-husband. I kept thinking he would come to his senses but he never did. Some people just do not seem to be capable of emotionally supporting another person. This emotional support is what sensitives need so much. We need to know that someone really does care about us, and that someone will be there for us when we need them. Until your pain has healed though, that emotional support should come from family and friends.
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INFP

Kindness is one gift we can give to others that does not cost us a cent, yet to the person we give it to, it can be priceless. Kindness can make a huge difference to the person it is being given.

[AutumnRain]

[basudec19]

It is very difficult to guess and predict anything without knowing from you fully about your relationship.


Please let me know about your present condition and past regarding yours relationship.
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[arajune1810]

relation is very much sensitive thing ...

no prediction is proper for this ....

so .... i think you got it ......
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[rabasuaug1310]

its sad to have divorce ,
but it is part of life ,
you start a new life ,
i will again gonna fall in love ,
but be aware this time ,
just think about the guys and take decision ...............
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